That happens to me if I get bogged down by the idea of product over process. I forget that I’m the most important part of my art. I want to finish and end up with something good, rather than get good at something in order to end up with something good.
Does that make sense? It’s like running a marathon. If you don’t like running, but you run anyway because you want to win, you won’t find joy in anything but finishing. Someone is always going to be faster than you, and you’ll always be disappointed.
On the other hand, if you enjoy running, then you can focus more on running itself, which means you’ll get better at running, which means you’ll win.
I’ve done work for clients and assignments that I didn’t like. When art is your job or your means to a grade, it’s harder to put process over product. Everything becomes about finishing. As soon as a marathon runner gets a number on her back and a check from Nike, it becomes harder to run just for the joy of it.
But of course she still finds joy in it because the only reason she’s good at running is because she knows she’s 100% responsible for being good.
What makes it worth the work is knowing that every time you finish, every drawing you produce, every race you win is 100% because of you. It’s not random or accidental. You were the most important thing the entire time, you worked hard to get better, and you did it because you wanted it for yourself.
I think if you practice treating yourself as the most important part of your art, what you actually make will matter less. And it will become a lot simpler for you to see that your improvement, even when you’re producing something you don’t like, makes it worth the work—far more than ending up with a finished product.
It takes practice to think that way because we’re not raised to think that way. We’re not raised to think we’re more important than what we leave behind. But for me, reward isn’t “I made that” so much as it’s “I can make that.”
I hope this helps you. <3
